It’s not uncommon for someone objecting
to their partner going to church or attending Mass or say that those who do so
are looking for a ‘crutch’ or that religion is a way of avoiding relationships. It can be
very painful to hear that said and can cause real difficulties for anyone who
wants to grow in their faith and begins to sense that, to do so, they need the company of others.
Like the Judaism from which it
emerged, Christianity isn’t a solitary religion. As with many other animals we’re designed to
be relational beings – we live in societies; grow through relationships and discover
who we are as we encounter others. But
like other religions Christianity goes further, it points out that in order to
be fully human we need to be in relationship with something greater than
ourselves – with God. Our need to ‘go to
church’ is an aspect of the realisation that, in order to grow, we desire to be
with others as they seek God – is that a ‘crutch’? If it is, then it’s one most of us need, for
in order to be myself I need to be in relationship with you, or as one
philosopher maintained 1 – every ‘I’ needs a ‘Thou’ in order to find
meaning. We need to be in ever-deepening
relationship.
Some use the church, the People
of God, as a means of developing those meaningful relationships when, for good
reasons, no other way seems possible and Christians are found to be welcoming, accepting
and inclusive. Sadly, a few look to certain
churches to support their prejudices. Some
partners might feel ‘church’ is a threat to their relationship and there are,
indeed, those who become too involved and distant from their partner. But in a similar way, friendships, even
hobbies, can either be nurturing of a relationship – we enjoy the company of friends
and need to have our own independently of partners – or they can become an
escape.
I
need a crutch
I don’t mind admitting that I
need a crutch. I know I’m broken, not
whole – are any of us? I know I need
people to help me become the person I’m meant to be; need people who love me,
people who will encourage and enable me to grow. In so many ways life wounds all of us and we
need those who will help us heal and become whole. No one is perfect. Many are prepared to accept that they are
enslaved and need a rescuer – a saviour, a Power greater than themselves to
whom they can turn for help in this matter of becoming whole and growing into
the fullness of our potential. Christianity
says that we have a godly identity that needs nurturing so we can grow beyond
the limits of the self.
In all this the individual seeker,
wanting to grow in their faith, beginning to sense that they need to do so in
company with others, will need to be sensitive to the feelings of their
partner, making sure that they are giving enough ‘quality time’ to them. For growth in relationship with the God we
have not seen is tested by our relationship with those amongst whom we live (1 John 4.20f).
Growing
beyond the church
But this need to be part of the
church is only one step along the way and we are not to get stuck. The point of ‘church’ is not, in the end, to
provide friends but to belong to a community of those on a journey into God. The journey we’re called to make can be hard
to undertake alone and we can cease
exploring and settle down into a comfortable place and take the eye of our
heart off the goal. ‘Church’ is where we
gather to encounter the mystery of God, the Body of Christ on earth – and in
heaven. To be baptised into that Body is
to be one with saints and angels ‘standing around the throne of God’.
Perhaps we might give attention
to going to Mass rather than ‘going to church’ – going to that celebration in
which we seek to be open to the activity of God in word, sacrament and through
the body of believers both seen and unseen.
As with the first Christians, we’re called into relationship with God in
Christ through attending the Eucharist – and then living out of that
relationship and seeking to deepen it through our personal daily prayer, acts
of loving kindness, listening to God’s constant call that our heart might
reflect His – and deepening our love for those to whom we are committed.
Imprisoned
but not alone
There will always be those who,
for whatever reason, cannot ‘go to church’.
The housebound through sickness or age; those unable to feel they can ‘belong’;
those denied the opportunity because of their circumstances or because they are
forbidden. And there will be those
imprisoned. Back in the 16th
century the great Carmelite mystic, S. John of the Cross 2, was cast
into a tiny prison cell by his brothers because they objected to the reforms he
wanted to make to their Order. He spent
eight months in appalling conditions, yet this was the means for him to compose
some of the greatest mystical poetry. Instead
of making him bitter and angry the very privations he experienced were the
means for him to escape by way of love. Drawing
on the biblical Song of Songs his
heart sang in the darkness as he sought the One he loved:
Upon a gloomy night,
With all my cares to loving
ardours flushed,
(O venture of delight!)
With nobody in sight
I went abroad when all my
house was hushed. 3
Even when denied the company of
others, he found a way of reading the Divine Office and, in the darkness,
meditating on the love of God so that his heart was open to the movement of the
Spirit and he was united with his beloved.
Today we have Apps to help us! 4
We must pray for our partners,
that they will also be open to God; show that our faith is deepening our love
for them, and be prepared to explain that ‘going to church’ helps us develop
our desire to be more fully human – more fully the person I am meant to be –
and then pray that our hearts might be open to that Love which gives life to
the world.
_________________________________________
1 “That
you need God more than anything, you know at all times in your heart. But don’t
you know also that God needs you—in the fullness of his eternity, you? How
would man exist if God did not need him, and how would you exist? You need God
in order to be, and God needs you—for that which is the meaning of your life.” (Martin Buber, I and Thou, Simon and Schustner, 2000)
2 A
sketch of Christ, made by St John of the Cross, was shown to Salvador Dali in
1949 moving him to paint his great work Christ of St John of the Cross. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfN67C9XLCM
3 Roy Campbell, Poems of St John of the Cross, The Harvill Press Ltd., 1951
4 Pray as You Go; https://pray-as-you-go.org/; Laudate, Prayers, Daily Readings and Various Devotions:
https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/laudate-1-catholic-app/id499428207?mt=8
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