FORGIVING THOSE WHO SIN AGAINST OTHERS

From time to time one hears people exclaim: “I can never forgive what x did to y!”  Y is often a family member, friend or associate who has hurt someone close to us.  It’s a feeling we can also experience when some atrocity is reported, especially where children or vulnerable people are concerned.  It’s said with great feeling and, in some cases, is one that stays with x for many years, unless it can be resolved.  It can become like a weight x carries and usually causes pain and bitterness when recalled.   The weight, usually, is that of anger which lies hidden within us, like some wild animal trapped in a cage which roars when approached and lashes out when released.

FORGIVE US OUR SINS
But the fact is that we cannot forgive x for the wrong they do to y.  It’s not in our power to do so for we are not subject to the wrong that has been perpetrated.  We are, in a sense, ‘collateral damage’.

When Jesus taught His disciples to pray he taught them to ask that their trespasses be forgiven insofar as they were prepared to forgive the trespasses done to them, not to others:
“Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

In Matthew the word ‘trespass’ is usually interpreted as ‘debt’ (Greek: ὀφειλήματα – opheillemata)  : “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtor” (Matthew  6: 12)

and Jesus goes on to explain to His disciples: “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14)  

Luke, however, gives us this reading: “And forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone indebted to us.” (11:4)

The change from ‘debt’ to ‘trespass’ in the Our Father first appeared in the Greek versions of the prayer by the 3rd cent. writer, Origen of Alexandria and this wording made its way into important English translations such as the 1549 Book of Common Prayer.  Whatever the reason for the various interpretations it is clear that Jesus here is telling His disciples that they have the power to affect a change of heart for themselves.  He does not tell them that they can forgive someone the sin done to another.

In Luke 17:3 Jesus tells His disciples: “If another disciple sins, you must rebuke the offender, and if there is repentance, you must forgive.”  Jesus says we are to forgive him if he repents and admits his wrong, not regardless of whether he does so.  “If the same person sins against you seven times a day, and turns back to you seven times and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive.”  But this concerns how to respond to someone who repents and asks forgiveness.

At the end of John’s gospel when he recounts the appearance of Jesus to His disciples on the evening of the day of Resurrection Jesus says to them: “Receive the Holy Spirit.  If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.”   (John 20: 22/23)   This verse has always been understood to give authority to grant forgiveness to those who repent and seek forgiveness for it needs to be held in the context of all other teachings about the matter which in the Scriptures.

But forgiveness does not cancel justice.  In his encyclical Dives in Misericordia John Paul II notes that the “requirement of forgiveness does not cancel out the objective requirements of justice. . . . In no passage of the gospel message does forgiveness, or mercy as its source, mean indulgence toward evil, toward scandals, toward injury or insult.  In any case, reparation for evil and scandal, compensation for injury, and satisfaction for insult are conditions for forgiveness” (DM 14).

PRAYER AND FORGIVENESS
Christians are called to pray that someone who has committed a grave sin will realise that they have done wrong and seek to make amends, but when the act is particularly evil then this may be almost impossible: “If you see your brother or sister committing what is not a mortal sin, you will ask, and God will give life to such a one—to those whose sin is not mortal. There is sin that is mortal; I do not say that you should pray about that.” (1 John 5:16)  However, when someone says: “I can never forgive x for what they did to y” they may be indicating that they cannot or will not let go of the anger they feel for what has been done and it usually concerns something that is acutely grave in character.

LOVE AND FORGIVENESS
A helpful article states:

‘St. Thomas Aquinas tells us love is “willing the good of the other” selflessly (cf. I Cor. 13:5). In a sense, this is all God can do, because “God is love” (I John 4:8). God can do nothing other than will to share the infinite good of himself with every single person ever created or conceived—even the souls who reject his love and forgiveness, because a God not loving would be a God contradicting his own essence, which is absurd.

Thus God’s love is unconditional, because in one sense it has nothing to do with the other.  It comes from within, regardless of what happens outside of the godhead. This brings profound meaning to Jesus’ words: “Love one another as I have loved you” (John 15:12). In essence, Jesus is calling us to love with that same unconditional love with which he loves as the God-Man.  Regardless of varying situations and relationships in our lives, “God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit” (Rom. 5:5) empowering us to “will the good of the other” regardless of what “the other” may bring our way.

On the other hand forgiveness is not unconditional.  It’s a two-way street.  God offers his forgiveness to all out of his unconditional love and, therefore, so must all Christians.  But here’s the rub. Because forgiveness is dependent upon the other, it cannot actually take place until there are willing partners on both sides of the divide. ‘  (Tim Staples. Director of Apologetics and Evangelization at ‘Catholic Answers’)

CARRYING ANGER
It might be that when someone feels they can never forgive another they are indicating that they carry a hidden reservoir of anger that erupts whenever they recall a particular incident.  It may be that the incident concerned the abuse of someone they love or inflicted pain and suffering on innocent victims and they feel angry about the incident whenever it is recalled. 

And anger, if not addressed appropriately, can have a corrosive effect on the person who carries it and those connected to them.   People who have reflected on this matter have noticed that it takes less energy to love and forgive than it does to stay angry and hold a grudge.  Forgiveness brings peace to your life.   We need to forgive someone, not for their benefit, but for our own peace of mind.  The burden of anger we can carry can be enormous and our anger often only affects the person who carries it – not the person towards whom the anger is directed.  Someone has suggested that we should “Shift the focus, feel the pain and think of the thousands of others in the world who are also feeling the same pain, then send a loving-kindness message to everyone to be relieved of this suffering.”

One of the ways that this can be done is to direct a prayer, such as this, towards the object of our anger: “May … be filled with your compassion, O Lord.  May your Mother’s love enfold them.”  The danger of holding anger has long been realised.  S. Jerome said that “Anger is the Door, by which all Vices enter the Soul” and S. James had observed that: “anger does not produce God’s righteousness.” (James 1:20)  But ‘anger’ against sin is may be ‘zeal’ and zeal is not a sin but is sometimes a duty. Zeal at its core is an expression of love; anger is an expression of hatred.  So S. Paul tells us to ‘Put away from all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.’ (Eph.4: 31)

Righteous anger – or zeal – does not consume us but enables us to seek justice and mercy for all.  As human beings we need to cultivate a forgiving spirit for the contrary spirits of anger, pride, bitterness etc… can easily find a home within us.  Yet whilst we can cultivate a forgiving spirit we cannot forgive unless someone seeks to be forgiven, promises to refrain from sin and accepts the appropriate penance.  Even then ‘Penance requires . . . the sinner to endure all things willingly, be contrite of heart, confess with the lips, and practice complete humility and fruitful satisfaction.’ (Catechism of the Catholic Church 1450)  

The Catechism goes on to observe that absolution concerns the: ‘remission of the eternal punishment of sin, but temporal punishment of sin remains. (CCC 1473)

In the end it is God alone who forgives sin (CCC: 1440).  Yet the path to our sanctification requires us to practice God-like acts and to learn how to cultivate a forgiving heart:

“But I say to you that listen, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.  If anyone strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also; and from anyone who takes away your coat do not withhold even your shirt.  Give to everyone who begs from you; and if anyone takes away your goods, do not ask for them again.  Do to others as you would have them do to you.

If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?   For even sinners love those who love them.  If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you?  For even sinners do the same.   If you lend to those from whom you hope to receive, what credit is that to you?  Even sinners lend to sinners, to receive as much again.  But love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return.  Your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked.  Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.  Forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you.  A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap; for the measure you give will be the measure you get back.” (Luke 6: 27-38)

Fr. John-Francis Friendship SMMS
May 2017

THE QUALITY OF MERCY

SECOND SUNDAY OF EASTER

(DIVINE MERCY SUNDAY)

Sermon preached at the Church of S. John the Baptist, Eltham

at Parish Mass on April 7^th, 2013

‘Grace to you and peace from Him who is and was and who is to come’ (Rev. 1:4b)

INTRODUCTION

The quality of mercy is not strained.

It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven

Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:

It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.

So wrote Shakespeare in his play, The Merchant of Venice.  Today an increasing number of churches around the world are observing as the Feast of Divine Mercy.  It’s a devotion which began in Poland and is based on revelations to a young nun in the 1930’s, Sr. (now Saint) Faustina Kowalska.  The message she received was not new but was, and is, a reminder that God is merciful and forgiving and that we, too, must show mercy and forgiveness.  It is also a reminder of the importance for all of us to consider owning up to and seeking forgiveness for our sins.  It is a feast which has been attached to this Second Sunday of Easter because our gospel reading tells of how Jesus’ first message to the disciples concerned the grace of forgiveness:  “If you forgive the sins of any they are forgiven them.”  But in the Divine Mercy devotion, the message takes on a powerful new focus, calling people to a deeper understanding that God’s love is unlimited and available to everyone — especially to the greatest sinners.

CONFESSION AND FORGIVENESS

Now this message needs to be heard loudly and clearly at a time when so many – in church and state – are being shown to have failed in their calling.  There can be few, if any, who are not aware of the way in which priests and bishops, elected members of Parliament, the police and newspapermen and women have become corrupted.   The Church, in particular the Roman Catholic Church, continues to have to face the fact that some of its priests, religious and bishops have abused their position of trust; failed to acknowledge their guilt and not been held accountable.  Without wanting to add fuel to the flames, it needs to be said that forgiveness of sins does not mean that one is absolved of the consequence of wrong-doing.  Far from it. 

When I was a teenager I made my First Confession.  Coming to a priest and off-loading all my sins to another human being (under the ‘seal’ of confidentiality of the confessional) was a remarkable experience.  It was an ‘unloading’, a shedding of the burden of my sins of thought, word – and deed.  I knew there must be a penance and that I was not absolved from the consequences of any misbehaviour. Quite the contrary.  Penitence meant that I own my sin, promise not to sin again (by the grace of God), accept my guilt and be ready to make amends in whatever way was appropriate.  Confessing one’s sins is not about having it all swept under the carpet.  It’s about being honest, to another and, as importantly, to myself. 

Over the past fifty years I have continued to value and recognize my need to make a regular confession of my sins.  Often they are ‘small’, of apparently little consequence.  But I believe it my duty as a Christian to make my confession even though I realize the teaching of the Church of England is that ‘all may, none must and some should’.   On this Divine Mercy Sunday I am reminded of the words spoken by the priest after hearing a confession and being assured that the person intends to undertake his or her penance:

"Our Lord Jesus Christ, who has left power to his Church

to absolve all who truly repent and believe in him,

of his great mercy forgive you your offences;

and by his authority committed to me,

I absolve you from all your sins”

Now, apart from the matter of Sacramental Confession, there is something of fundamental importance in this gift to the church.  Jesus recognises the immense difficulty there sometimes is in offering – and accepting – forgiveness.  To withhold forgiveness, or not to offer a chance of reconciliation, creates terrible blockages for individuals and communities.  It leaves the one who cannot offer forgiveness burdened by the event.  There cannot be true peace without forgiveness.  And to offer – or to seek – forgiveness requires God’s gift of grace.

DOUBTING THOMAS

So let us look at the story about ‘doubting Thomas’. 

Thomas was one the disciple who wasn’t around when Jesus first appeared to the others.  He’d heard the story – about the women who had first brought the message that Jesus had risen from the dead.  And he’s heard the story of Jesus’ appearing to the other disciples with His message of peace.  But that wasn’t enough.  He wanted a first-hand experience; that’s understandable.  It wasn’t enough just to hear the story when all the other disciples had said they had seen Jesus.  How he entered through those doors, locked out of fear, and brought them a sense of deep peace.  ‘It’s OK, there’s nothing to be frightened of.’ 

But Thomas still had doubts because he hasn’t had the same experience.  And Jesus is gracious enough to grant Thomas what he needs – proof.  Jesus needed to leave a group of people who had the conviction to carry on his mission.  From then on, it would require faith: “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.”  Christian faith invites us to believe in the resurrection of Jesus; that there is something more about life that God wants to offer us.  Now.  Those who come for Baptism affirm this faith.  We affirm it every time we receive the Eucharist: ‘Whoever eats my body … will have everlasting life and I will raise them up on the last day.’  

But it’s not just about life after death.  It’s an invitation to grasp life now: I am deeply excited by the thought that God wants to give us all a taste – now – of the life to come.  Isn’t it wonderful and joyful to believe that we can taste that life?  That it’s not just a question of rolling out of bed each morning to face yet another day, but that this day, now, there is the gift of life held out to us.  Doesn’t that excite you?

CONCLUSION

At the end of our gospel reading St. John tells us that he wrote of these things ‘so that you may come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.’ (20:31)   For St. John, seeing and believing are inseparable. 

If you see that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, you will believe. 

There’s a story told of a priest in Africa who was translating St. John’s Gospel into the local dialect.  There were many problems in finding the right words translate some of the English words, one such being to ‘believe’.  There was no exact word in the dialect.  So he asked one of the locals for help and, after hearing the priest explain what the word meant, the man said – “To believe means to listen with the heart.”

Each of us has had, in whatever way, an encounter with Jesus, whether we recognise that or not.  Whether we have ‘seen’ him or not.  The question for each of us is, how has my heart responded to Jesus?  Not just emotionally, but in the depths of my being.  Many saw Jesus in the flesh, and made no response.  Thomas saw with the eye of his heart, and it led him to exclaim, “My Lord, and my God!”   Some of us recognise where we have gone wrong in life, but it makes little impression on us – we do not recognise, in the depths of our heart our need for forgiveness and repentance. 

The concept of mercy is fundamental to Christianity, Judaism and Islam – in fact, to what it means to be human. 

The quality of mercy is not strained.

It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven

Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:

It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.

At the heart of Divine Mercy is the simple fact that Jesus wants us to realise His mercy is greater than our sins.  If we call upon Him with trust, receive His mercy, and let it flow through us to others, all will come to share His joy.  Someone has made it their ABC:

A:  Ask for God’s Mercy.  God longs that we constantly open our hearts in prayer, repent of our sins and ask Him to pour His mercy out upon us and upon the whole world.  Lord, have mercy.

B:  Be merciful. God wants us to receive His mercy and let it flow through us to others.  He wants us to extend love and forgiveness to others just as He does to us.

C:  Completely trust in Jesus.  God wants us to know that the graces of His mercy are dependent upon our trust.  The more we trust in Jesus, the more we will receive.

On this Divine Mercy Sunday, may we realise our own need of the mercy of God as we seek to own up to the truth of ourselves, and may we believe, in the depths of our heart, that in touching that mercy we find life in his name. 

Amen.

THE SACRAMENT OF RECONCILIATION

ADVENT 2(RCL Yr . B)
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 7TH 2008

‘John the Baptiser appeared in the wilderness, proclaiming a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins.’ (Mk. 1: 4)

INTRODUCTION
“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.”

So opens the dialogue between penitent and priest in the confessional. It’s an odd way to begin, don’t you think? After all, sins have been committed and one would have thought the right way to begin would be for the penitent to say, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned”. But, no, that is the opening request. For a blessing.

Yet, if we think a little more deeply maybe we will realise that those words are right. For the very act of coming to Confession, of acknowledging oneself as a sinner, is welcomed by God who rejoices in a repentant sinner.

MAKING AMENDS
In this second of our Advent sermons I want to address the theme of ‘Making Amends’ and think about the role of confession and repentance in our lives. At the heart of the Christian Faith lies the matter of reconciliation. It is, perhaps, the most crucial movement in human life and the scriptures constantly remind us of the way in which God is working to reconcile the world. That was why Jesus came – to reconcile the world to God. As St. Paul wrote: ‘in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting the message of reconciliation to us.’(2 Cor. 5:19)

Think about it for a minute. Are you living at-one with all people? Or is there someone you are not reconciled with? What are you doing about it? We may, rightly, lament the wars, murders and community disorder that we read of in our papers or witness on our streets, but it all begins in the human heart when someone becomes our ‘enemy’ with whom we cannot be reconciled.

THE SACRAMENT OF RECONCILIATION
Ever since the dawn of Christianity this need for reconciliation has been realised and the sacramental life of the church has reflected this need. Whilst Baptism cleanses us of sin, we don’t stop committing them and so the Sacrament of Confession, or as it has become known the ‘Sacrament of Reconciliation’, has been part of the ministry of the church.

Now whilst there are so many references in the scriptures to the need for forgiveness and reconciliation, it is probable that the most powerful image which has moved people to make their confession is that of the return of the Prodigal Son, which has also been called the Parable of the Loving Father. If you are unfamiliar with the story it concerns a young man who, having squandered his inheritance and lost all his friends, decides to return to his home and admit his mistakes.

In the parable there are some telling phrases, the first of which is connected with why penitents ask – confidently – for God’s blessing. As the repentant son turns to home Jesus says this: ‘But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him.’ (Lk. 15:20)

It is this deep compassion – love – that the father had for his son that is activated as the son makes that first step to return to his father that means God will bless all those who seek forgiveness for their sins. Who seek reconciliation.

The other interesting phrase Jesus uses is this: ‘when he came to himself’ (Lk. 15:17). There is something about sin which is unnatural. We were not created for sin even though it has power over us. Or, to put it another way, we can be drawn away from that which we were created to be and be enticed by its opposite. For sin is the corruption of our good nature. An inevitable consequence of life. When we sin we are ‘not ourselves’. In religious terms, to be ‘ourselves’ is to live in the freedom that comes as we seek at-one-ness with God.

And so the penitent kneels before the priest. (Just over there.) And the priest encourages them: “The Lord be in your heart and on your lips that you may rightly and truly confess your sins, in the name of the Father, and of the Son + and of the Holy Spirit” Making your confession – being open and honest – may be a blessing in disguise, but it’s a costly blessing. After all, sin has a price.

With such encouragement the penitent begins to open their heart:
“I confess to almighty God
to blessed Mary ever Virgin,
to the holy Apostles Peter and Paul,
and before the whole company of heaven,
that I have sinned through my own fault,
in my thoughts and in my words,
in what I have done and in what I have failed to do.”

But, hang on, someone will say, ‘I don’t need to confess to anyone except God, and I certainly don’t need to confess to the saints!’ Well, that’s true, to an extent. The problem is that sin isn’t a personal matter between you and God. The fact is that sin disrupts the fabric of the universe. Like throwing stones in a pond, the ripples move out and disturb the water. And not just on the surface. My sin affects earth and heaven, if you like, and I need to acknowledge that and realise that the effects of what I do, ‘in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and in what I have failed to do’, can have a far wider effect than I might realise. It’s what has been called the ‘Kicking the Cat’ syndrome, and if you’re not sure what that means, have a word with me afterwards!

And we can’t always make amends for our sin. Sure, sometimes we can. We can apologise to the ‘cat’, or ask forgiveness of someone, do something to right a wrong and so on. But so many times it’s impossible to right all the consequences of what we have done, even if we are aware of them. So the penitent ends their confession with the words: “For these and all the other sins that I cannot remember I am heartily sorry, firmly mean to do better, most humbly ask pardon of God and of you, father, penance (advise) and absolution. Amen.”

Contrition for what we have done and a real desire to amend ones life must be part of the process. Confession isn’t just about finding forgiveness; it’s also about desiring to change one’s life. It’s part, if you like, of the conversion process.

MORTAL AND VENIAL SINS
Now, sometimes we are fully aware that we have sinned. The seven ‘deadly’ sins are fairly obvious: lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride. But you may need to reflect on these a bit to recognise that they are ‘deadly’. Many of us might say that we only sin ‘a bit’. And that’s probably true. Traditionally the church has spoken of two ‘classes’ of sin – mortal and venial. A mortal sin involves our knowingly and wilfully doing something which breaks our relationship with God. Like murder or slander, for example. A venial sin, on the other hand, is a ‘lesser’ sin that, whilst it may not break our relationship with God, nonetheless injures it.

Now, of course, sin also has its effect on others. It doesn’t just affect our relationship with God, but in order to right our relationships with the world around us we need to be in a right relationship with God. This has always been the teaching of the church. And that is where the Sacrament of Confession is so helpful. To say ‘sorry’ to God in the presence of another human being has a different effect on me than if I only have to do so in my heart. There is a real way in which I have to face the truth of my sin when it is out there, in the open (as it were). In the earliest days of Christianity people did make ‘open confessions’ to the church. So, this morning, as part of Mass we would tell each other what we had done wrong…! Now that’s fine providing we were all loving, generous, compassionate and confidential human beings. But … you can imagine what began to happen!! So, very quickly it was realised that, whilst the principle was good, the practice needed to change. And so confession was only to be made to the priest who was bound by strict rules of confidentiality. The ‘Seal of the Confessional’.

The Roman Catholic and Orthodox Churches require their members to make their confession at various times, usually before major festivals or before receiving Communion. Our Anglican Tradition has taken a different approach to the Sacrament. The 1662 ‘Book of Common Prayer’ explicitly sanctioned Confession in its Order for the Visitation of the Sick in these words: ‘Here shall the sick person be moved to make a special Confession of his sins, if he feel his conscience troubled with any weighty matter. After which Confession, the Priest shall absolve him (if he humbly and heartily desire it)’. Over the years the teaching of our church has been expressed as: “All may, some should, none must.” And there are many for whom confession is part of their spiritual discipline as they seek to develop their relationship with God.

CONCLUSION
And so we lay it all out before God in the presence of another human being. But that human being, in his or her priestly role, is Christ-like. The confessor is to be Father, Teacher, Doctor and Judge who is motivated by the compassion of Christ. The confessor needs to sift through what has been said for, often, what most troubles the penitent may be of less consequence than other matters which have emerged. Many of us worry unnecessarily but have no one who can help us sort out our concerns. I have always been amazed by the way my confessors have identified matters that need attention which I may not have recognised and have not commented on what I considered ‘grave’ matters. And, on reflection, I have often realised the wisdom of their discernment.

So the confessor assures the penitent of God’s forgiveness:
“Our Lord Jesus Christ, who has left power to his Church
to absolve all who truly repent and believe in him,
of his great mercy forgive you your offences;
and by his authority committed to me,
I absolve you from all your sins, in the name of the Father,
and of the Son + and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Go in peace; the Lord has put away your sins,
and pray for me, a sinner too.”

There is something immensely liberating in those words, “I absolve you”. It can feel like a great weight has been removed and, whilst none of us can be set free from the consequences of our sin that awful burden of guilt can be lightened. As someone has written about their First Confession:

"I began "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. This is my first confession." I then pulled the list of sins out of my pocket and began reading them. When I got to the second or third one I began crying, and this made it difficult to talk. I ended up rushing through my list because I wanted to be able to say them all before my crying hindered me from speaking at all. I think the crying was a result of the Holy Spirit bringing me into a state of contrition. I had felt fine before going into the confession, and I never expected I would break down like that. I'm very glad this happened though, and I understand why reconciliation is sometimes referred to as "the sacrament of tears."

Yet the practice of confession isn’t just about making us feel better, it’s about accepting our role in that business of reconciliation. Taking responsibility for our part in re-ordering the world. Accepting that Christ came to reconcile all things – even me – to God. Perhaps you might consider whether making your confession has its place in your Christmas preparations. It might be your most important present to your self and the world.

Amen.